Gambling News
“George W. Bush: Online Gambling to Save Social Security”
President George W. Bush suggests that the US Government should
fund gambling for its citizens.
President Bush has an alternative view of gambling. “If you bet
on a red and win, and you keep on doing it, everyone will become a millionaire
and Social Security will be saved”. He says he has come to this
conclusion after a government study on the probable success of privatized
investment accounts found that the average American would have a greater
chance of making money by gambling than by playing the stock market.
This is his answer to the predicament in which the ailing Social Security
program finds itself. The President’s plan is quite original. He
suggests establishing individual gambling accounts for young workers who
can then to use the money for gambling purposes. The government, who would
supply the money for the accounts, would have to borrow trillions of dollars
to set the plan in motion. All winnings would automatically be deposited
into retirement accounts.
The American Association of Retired Persons has opposed the plan vigorously
claiming that Bush is promoting his plan for the benefit of his friends
in the online gambling industry. Bush denied this and said that “the
AARP is composed of commies and homos”. He added “their opinion
doesn’t really matter since they will all be dead before we see
the effects of this plan anyhow.” Other associations and public
bodies added their opposition to the scheme.
However, in order to advance Bush’s plan, the Treasury Department
intends to run advertisements featuring a cartoon squirrel named GWYFA
(an acronym for “Gamble With Your Future Act”). In the commercial,
GWYFA hasn’t gathered and stored enough nuts for the winter. So
he starts playing online blackjack and pulls in loads of nuts. A voiceover
comes on during the commercial and says, “Don’t go hungry
in the winter. Gamble with your money before it’s too late”.
Online gambling companies claim that they won’t benefit from all
the extra players and business that will come their way, saying that they
stand to lose everything if millions of new players start to gamble and
win. When asked what would happen if the players lost the money, none
of the operators would offer a comment.
The President’s response to the inquiry was to say that critics
of the plan don’t trust the American people, but he does. He said
the people should decide what to do with their money, not the government.
American citizens, said Bush, should have the right to play poker, roulette,
blackjack or any other type of gambling game they choose.
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